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Favourite jokes and comedian


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Thought it would be an idea to have an all time favourite joke thread. I will kick things off.

What do you get if you cross Paul Daniels with a Rottweiler? It doesn't matter, just f******g do it anyway!

Jerry Sadowitz

‚ÄúNowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.‚ÄĚ Oscillate Wildly

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Billy Connolly

 

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

 

;)

Looking to purchase Sovereign Scales/Rocker/Balance. Feel free to Pm me at any time. Also prepared to pay a small finders fee for any scales spotted in your local antiques shops, send me a pic, and if it's one I'm interested in, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. :) 

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Anything by the late,great Bernard Manning. :lol:

 

Such as,.....

 

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past, one had a stroke, the other one couldn't reach. 

 

A Scouser went to a prostitute. She said, 'Do you want a blow job?' He said, 'Will it affect me dole money?' 

 

Theres two fellas running down the road "Help! Help! a lions escaped" A passerby said "Which way did it go?" One of the fellas says "you stupid c..t, you don't think we're feckin chasing it do ya?" 

 

 

:D

Looking to purchase Sovereign Scales/Rocker/Balance. Feel free to Pm me at any time. Also prepared to pay a small finders fee for any scales spotted in your local antiques shops, send me a pic, and if it's one I'm interested in, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. :) 

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Yep,same one @silversword.

"Thankfully dead" YOUR F******N HARSH FELLA :(

Use that phrase when referring to Hitler or Fred West!! NOT one

of Britains best known(and loved) stand ups.

 

I suspect he is "best loved" by the sort of people who enjoy Jim Davidson's "comedy". I stand by my comment, harsh or not. Just a shame that, like Cilla Black, he didn't disappear sooner. But they say only the good die young...  :lol:

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Looking to purchase Sovereign Scales/Rocker/Balance. Feel free to Pm me at any time. Also prepared to pay a small finders fee for any scales spotted in your local antiques shops, send me a pic, and if it's one I'm interested in, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. :) 

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Who can forget the famous Jasper Carrot, Magic Roundabout sketch. Only those of a certain age will remember this.

 

:)

 

 

Looking to purchase Sovereign Scales/Rocker/Balance. Feel free to Pm me at any time. Also prepared to pay a small finders fee for any scales spotted in your local antiques shops, send me a pic, and if it's one I'm interested in, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. :) 

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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

Jimmy Carr 

I sell beautiful Jewellery, minimum of 20% of for all members if bought direct here...visit my ebay page HERE
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So who's  the worst human being? Bernard Manning or Jimmy Carr?

I vote Jimmy Carr. Proper asshole.

Most the current comedians are lefties. Not one of them are funny.

I give you Russell Brand, James Carr, Sandi Toksvig. I can't think of the others'

names as they are faceless nobodies.

Edited by Cointreau
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So who's  the worst human being? Bernard Manning or Jimmy Carr?

I vote Jimmy Carr. Proper asshole.

Most the current comedians are lefties. Not one of them are funny.

I give you Russell Brand, James Carr, Sandi Toksvig. I can't think of the others'

names as they are faceless nobodies.

Couldn't agree more, Carr is just not funny. Just like the prize prats on the last leg and that Keith Lemon moron.

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So who's  the worst human being? Bernard Manning or Jimmy Carr?

I vote Jimmy Carr. Proper asshole.

Most the current comedians are lefties. Not one of them are funny.

I give you Russell Brand, James Carr, Sandi Toksvig. I can't think of the others'

names as they are faceless nobodies.

 

If those are the only 3 comedians you can think of, you need to spend less time on zerohedge and get out a bit

Edited by silversword
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If those are the only 3 comedians you can think of, you need to spend less time on zerohedge and get out a bit

 

I now vote @silversword as one of my favourite comedians, that quote made me chuckle   :D  :D  :D

Looking to purchase Sovereign Scales/Rocker/Balance. Feel free to Pm me at any time. Also prepared to pay a small finders fee for any scales spotted in your local antiques shops, send me a pic, and if it's one I'm interested in, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. :) 

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